What To Do When You Find a Hohenzollern in Your StudyA brief guide for the uninitiated The man of letters needs, of course, a place in which to withdraw from his various dalliances in the social realm and to concentrate on the dominion of learning; a private place in which to enjoy a book, broadsheet or other periodical, or perhaps to brood in a comfortable chair with a dram of scotch and some sound music. The ladyfolk, needless to say, have no place in such a bailiwick, not even to clean, for the wise gentleman knows that a study which accumulates in dust likewise accumulates in a certain intangible value. After all, what man of letters does not relish in removing his 1928 Burns & Oates edition of Martyrs of the Upper Volta from the shelves, blowing the dust from the cover, and charging inwards to read of some blessed soul who met his end in a steamy cauldron?
What, then, could throw such an arcadian bliss into disarray quite as much as the sudden appearance of Kaiser Wilhelm himself? A Hapsburg? You may as well have invited! A Bourbon? Well, fair enough, they have been known to lose their heads. But a Hohenzollern? You’ve got your work cut out for you. Once considered the seminal work on dealing with Spontaneous Hohenzollern Appearances (or ‘SHA’), Dr. Leo von Fulbreck’s Treatise on the Treatment of Hohenzollernitosicity (to use the old, politically-incorrect term for SHA), has since been discredited, perhaps unjustly due to the Sparticist leanings of the Thuringian professor. The 1919 U.S. War Department guide War Department Field Guide 24-R: Recommended Courses of Action in Event of Hohenzollern Situation (and its appendix 24-R(II) dealing with the Hohenzollern-Sigmaringen branch) perpetuated the essence of von Fulbreck’s theories shorn of their ideological slant. The Second-World-War-era Your Enemy: the Sudden Hun-henzollern released by the British Department of Information, however, is generally considered unreliable. Combing through all this mess, I have endeavoured to deliver, as part of my contribution to learning, the most well-researched, as well as concise, recommended course of action regarding the spontaneous appearence of Hohenzollerns in one’s study: 1. Give the man a stern, intense, but unprovocative stare (as exemplified in above illustration) and he will eventually be moved to tears, mourning the loss of Tanganyika. With any luck that should suffice, and unfortunate mishaps will be avoided. — Andrew Cusack
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Excellent piece, Andrew. As it happens, I have recently started reading Clay’s King, Kaiser, Tsar.
I enjoyed it thoroughly the first time around (over at Andrew Cusack Numero Uno) and I must say that it has gotten better with age.
Andrew -
I had forgotten about this little gem. I must say, however, that I think poor Kaiser Wilhelm does not deserve all the hatred and scorn heaped upon him. Indeed if we had left him on his throne (or, more likely, his son or grandson), we might not have had to deal with that Anti-Christ Hitler. Also, the Kaiser’s thrice great grandson, Georg Friedrich, seems like a really nice chap and would do well as a new Kaiser.
Cheers.
As one who never advocates dethroning a monarch in favour of a republican, I must heartily agree with Harold on his keen observation.
Do keep up the good work advocating the godly ministries of both faith and government.
Cheers again,
Thurs.
Poor Kaiser Wilhelm. Were it not for his grandfather, President Reagan might have had to find some other wall to be taken down.
God save the Queen.
Pax,
Post. Richard Romero, OSB
Could not one engage in able discourse over the aforementioned ‘Martyrs of the Upper Volta’ with the Prussian King?
I agree with my good friend Harold.If the Kaiser was left on the Throne there would never have been a II World War,or a Cold War and the Monarchies in the East would have been preserved and Austria-Hungary would still be a dual Monarchy under one Emperor-King Otto von Habsburg.
As my first ever contribution to any “blog” anywhere, I must join my voice to those defending the late Kaiser Wilhelm II. Too much tragic history has been experienced since the fall of the European monarchies for us to continue to fall for the rather over- the-top WWI propaganda. Sir Winston Churchill knew better when he lamented the overthrow of both the Habsburgs and Hohenzollerns. Besides which, as an American monarchist on the eve of another Fourth of July, I trust I can count upon your indulgence. Vivat Regina!
RFG